What I remember: 16

“Shillang… is it true?” Hwang Bo asked as she finally mustered enough courage to ask the question that she never wanted to know the answer to. 

She was met with silence as Hyun Joong looked at the floor, unable to meet her eyes. Taking his silence as his answer, she felt her heart grow colder than the winter winds as she saw the trust she had in him disappearing before her. 

“Shillang…” 

“Bu In, believe me. I do love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and there is nobody else that I could love as much as I love you.” 

“But what he said is true then. That you allowed me to believe in a lie.” 

“Which eventually became the truth!” 

“But it still doesn’t erase the fact that it was a lie to begin with. How do I believe in something that was never what it was to begin with? I walked down this road with you based on the trust that I had in you. The faith that we were meant to be. But core of that trust is based on a lie? That all I was to you was a replacement??” Hwang Bo yelled at him, finally feeling the heat of her anger leaving her as she found the voice to speak out all her insecurities. 

“Bu In… that was a mistake that I made years ago! One that I regret every single day of my life, one which made me swear that I would never do you wrong, that I would treat you the best I can forever…” 

“Which means that now, everything that you have done for me so far has been out of guilt. Hyun Joong, please stop. At least allow me to believe that your actions have been sincere. Please.” Hwang Bo said as she looked away, numbed from the night. She knew that she was being unreasonable, but her heart refused to allow her head to think straight. Everything that she had feared was coming true. That she was too old for him. That she would hamper his success. That she would never be able to give him everything that he wanted. That she was just not good enough for him. 

In the end, all she could see was that they were just not meant to be. 

And all she could do was to just walk away.

What I remember: 15

‘It’s really happening. This really is happening…’ 

Hwang Bo couldn’t take her eyes off the screen in the waiting room as she watched Hyun Joong singing the one song that had been playing in her mind for the past two years. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she sang along with Hyun Joong, a million thoughts racing through her mind as the memories they once shared came back to her. 

The happiness they once shared was still so fresh in her memory; the joy that she felt would never leave her for as long as she was alive. So when she heard the heated exchange that Hyun Joong shared with his manager, her whole body froze when his manager threatened to spill the beans that would have shattered their lives. 

“Do you really want me to call her out now and tell her, Hyun Joong?” 

“Hyung… Please don’t do this. We can work things out, it doesn’t have to come this far… Hyung…” Hyun Joong pleaded but his manager was beyond all reason. 

“Hye Jung-ssi! Come out now! There is no point in hiding when we all need to let this out in the open! Hye Jung-ssi!” 

Hwang Bo stepped out of the darkness, only to face the thunderous anger that Hyun Joong’s manager unleashed upon her. 

“Hye Jung-ssi. I respect you as a person, and I feel that it’s no longer right for you to be living a lie.” 

“Hyung!!!” 

“Hyun Joong has been lying to you, Hye Jung-ssi. He never loved you the way you thought he did. Did you really believe in everything he said to you during your months in the show? It was a lie. The reason why he managed to get so close to you in such a short time was because he told everyone that he took it as if you were his ex-girlfriend, the one that he had no choice but to leave. That is the real reason why he suddenly became a different person. It was never what you thought it was. That he fell for you as you went through the experiences together. You were merely a replacement for him at the time. A replacement.” 

Unable to even breathe, all Hwang Bo could do was look at Hyun Joong as he crumbled to the floor. His manager looked on at the both of them before slowly stepping back, hit with the realization that he had hurt two of the best people in the world through his fit of rage.  Unable to say anything else, he turned and walked out the door as he left the both of them to sieve through the pieces of their lives together.

What I remember: 14

Two weeks later

'Hyung! We have to get ready for the live show now, have you gotten your guitar yet?'

'Yeah, don't worry, I'm ready,' Hyun Joong replied, grabbing his guitar as they walked together towards the studio.

'Why did you suddenly want to play your guitar hyung? You never wanted to before regardless of how many times we asked you to. Are you going to play our latest song??' Hyung Jun asked, pulling on Hyun Joong's shirt as he clamored for his attention.

Hyun Joong smiled in silence and entered the studio where they were scheduled to give an interview.

Taking in deep breaths as the time for him to perform ticked closer, he steadied his heart as he prepared himself mentally to perform the one song that he had been wanting to sing ever since he came back from the hospital.

'Hyun Joong-ssi, we hear that you have prepared a little surprise for everyone here! Would you like to let us in on the surprise?' questioned MC Yoo.

'Hmm... This is actually something that represents me at this moment in time. You could say that I've been sleeping this past two years, going through everyday without knowing what my aim in life was. I've been lucky enough to have been awakened from my long slumber, but just when I thought I could run and make everything alright, I realised that sometimes wanting to try your best just isn't good enough.'

'So... in other words, this is a song that will let us know what your real feelings are?'

'Yes. This is as real as I can ever get.'

'Okay, I'm sure that it's safe to say that we're all looking forward to listening to your heart. Hyun Joong-ssi, if you may...'

Hyun Joong cleared his throat as he strummed the first few chords of the song that he hoped Hwang Bo would hear.

'Hwang Buin.. this is for you...'

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up while you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah I'm falling to pieces.

What I remember: 13

Jumping out of the cab, Junjin sped to Hwang Bo's car as she pulled over in front of her apartment building.

'Bo! Look, I'm sorry okay. Please, I didn't mean it that way. I just.. I just didn't think...'

Hwang Bo looked at Junjin, his forehead creased with worry and leaned against him, pulling him close in a hug.

'I know Jin. I know. It's just that... I dunno, I just become a wreck around him. And although I want to pull myself away from him, I can't. Thank you for always being there for me though, I really do love you for being the brother that I can always depend on.'

Sighing, Junjin squeezes her tight, knowing that he will always be defeated by her memory of him.

'I'll always be your brother Bo. I love you too.'

What I remember: 12

'Hwang Bo-ya! Hwang Bo!!!'

Junjin ran after Hwang Bo as she sped off to her car. Jumping in, she drove off without even taking a look back at Junjin.

Cursing under his breath, Junjin started calling her while flagging a cab down to follow her car.

'Pick up the phone, Bo. Just pick up the damn phone!'

Junjin watched her car swerving in and out of lanes, not caring if she got into an accident or not as she sped back home. Junjin let out a cry of frustration as he threw himself against the seat, thinking of what she said to him in the elevator after they left Hyun Joong's room.

'Jin-ah, why did you have to hold my hand like that in front of him?'

'I.. it.. it was nothing. I've held your hand before, why are you getting all defensive now?'

'I know you've held my hand before, but why in front of him? Especially now??' she demanded as she glared at him through her large expressive eyes.

'I just didn't think it would mean anything to him okay? You guys are over, why should it even matter if I held your hand or not? What makes you think that he'd even care?' retorted Junjin.

Hwang Bo looked at him as tears glassed over her eyes. 'Because I know him inside out. Because I know what he thinks about even without him saying a word. Despite having left his side two years ago, I realized today that no matter how long I've been away from him, I can still read his mind like a book. You know why? Do you really want to know why?'

'No. Look, Bo, I'm sorry okay. Please stop this. I'm really sorry.'

'Because I still love him Jin. No matter how hard I try, I just can't stop loving him. And it's eating me inside when I know that I can't be with him even though that's the only thing in this world that I want. And to know that I've caused him hurt like this, it kills me even more. Do you even understand that Jin?' Hwang Bo asked before she ran out of the elevator.

Junjin closed his eyes as he replayed that scene over and over again in his mind.

'Bo, I do understand. Because it kills me to see you hurting like this too. Please, please, please God. Keep her safe now.'

What I remember: 11

Hyun Joong opened his eyes and took in the unfamiliar surroundings before laying his eyes on the sleeping form next to him.

'She still looks the same' he thought as he reached out to brush her hair off her face, causing her to stir awake.

'Buin..'

Hwang Bo steadied her heart as she heard him calling her the way he used to call her before everything changed. Smiling at him, she busied herself by straightening his blanket before finally looking at him in the eye.

'Hello Hyun Joong. It's been a while.'

'How have you been? Have you been taking care of yourself the way you take care of people? Do you still look at the stars and wish that I was healthy and well? Do you still look through your phone and think of who to introduce the boys to?'

Hyun Joong looked at her closely, silently asking her those questions in his mind as he took in her face. Taking in a deep breath, he opened his mouth to say something when he heard the door open.

'Jung-ah, I've done all the procedures and I've contacted his manager. They'll be here soon.'

Jun Jin walked in and put an arm over Hwang Bo's shoulders reassuring her that everything was taken care of before looking at the bed.

'Hyun Joong! You're awake!'

'Jun... Jun Jin hyung, thank you for all your help.'

'I didn't do anything, it was Hye Jung that told me what to do. Without her, I'd probably still be freaking out on the road, thinking of what to do next.'

'Yeah, she always knows what to do,' Hyun Joong said in a small voice, betraying the rush of emotions that he was feeling at that moment.

Hwang Bo looked away, feeling the tears threatening to spill over, as she said 'Jinnie, we're going to be late.'

Jun Jin nodded as he took her hand in his and pulled her closer to him. 'Hyun Joong, we're going to go now. You take care and text me if you need anything okay? I've left my number on the table.'

'Okay, hyung. Thank you again. And you too.. Hwang Bo-ssi.'

'Take care Hyun Joong. Get well soon.'

Hyun Joong felt as though his heart was being ripped apart as he watched his Hwang Buin leaving with another man.

'So... she's... found someone who will love her the way I couldn't love her...'

What I remember: 10

Beep... beep... beep...

Taking in deep breaths, Hwang Bo tried to steady herself as she looked at the man lying down on the hospital bed. It took almost all her strength to keep from screaming his name out loud and shaking him awake as he slept on.

'Shillang, what did you do to yourself? You were supposed to be happy, to live your life well. I was supposed to look you in the eye and smile when we finally met again. This is not what it was supposed to be like,' she thought to herself as she felt her body go numb from the sense of helplessness that she felt.

'I would do anything just to hear you sing to me again. Please wake up, Shillang...'

*Three years earlier*

'Buin, make sure you watch my solo later. I've planned a big surprise for you! But don't be too scared when they jump out, okay? ^^Y'

Hwang Bo smiled at the silly text that Hyun Joong sent her and continued watching Kyu Jong performing his solo at the SS501 concert. Thanking her lucky stars that she was no where extremely near the stage, she began giggling as she imagined storks flying out from cages all over the place, when Kyu Jong announced the solo performance of their leader, Hyun Joong.

'Hi there everyone! I hope you're all having a great time!!' yelled Hyun Joong as he stepped out on the stage, dressed in a Pooh Bear suit.

'I know this looks weird, but you'll stay with me right? And not be ashamed of me right??' he asked the cheering crowd as he focused on his star that night.

'I wanted you to know that I have been practicing this for a long time, and that no matter what it's the thought that counts. Pay attention closely, and if you think looking at me is too awkward for you, then just close your eyes and feel this.'

And she believes in me
I`ll never know just what she sees in me,
I told her someday if she was my girl
I could change the world with my songs, but
I was wrong
But she has faith in me
And so I go on trying faithfully
Forever in my heart she will remain
And I hope and pray
I will find a way, find a way

Hyun Joong walked down the stage as he continued singing and headed towards the wide-eyed Hwang Bo. Laughing, he saw her freeze with shock before trying to duck away and disappear into the crowd.

'HWANG BUIN! Where do you think you're going? I told you before, no matter where you go, I'll be able to find you!'

Hwang Bo turned to stone as she heard Hyun Joong calling out to her as the entire stadium screamed their cheers. Refusing to look at him, she willed the ground to open and swallow her whole and save her from his piercing gaze.

'I told you not to be scared. Hwang Buin, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time now...'

'HWANG BUIN! SARANGHANDA!!!!!!!!'

Hwang Bo looked up as she saw thousands of sparks light up the sky. Laughing, she covered her mouth with her hands as she watched the most spectacular display of fireworks spell out their names.

Watching her closely, Hyun Joong stepped by her side and repeated softly into her ear.

'I will find a way for us both. I love you Buin...'

Closing her eyes, Hwang Bo said a quiet prayer as she felt her heart explode with happiness.

'God, if you can hear me, thank you. Thank you for bringing him into my life. Thank you.'

What I remember: 9

And twisted thoughts that spin round my head,
I'm spinning, oh I'm spinning,
How quick the sun can drop away,
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass,
Of what was everything

Hwang Bo found herself singing along to the song as Jinnie drove them to their destination. Looking at her from the corner of his eye, Jinnie let out a deep breath and kept quiet for the first time that day.

'She's still not over him..'

Bringing the car to a stop, he sat together with her as she continued singing with her eyes closed. It was only when the song came to an end that she opened her eyes and looked around, startled to see that they had stopped along an empty road.

'Jinnie, I thought that we were going to eat?'

'I didn't know where you wanted to go. So I figured instead of driving around and wasting fuel, I'd just stop and wait for you to tell me. Fuel's expensive you know.'

Smiling wistfully, Hwang Bo turned at him and shrugged while saying 'I've heard that before. But you know what? Life's too short to count dollars and cents. If all fails, then we can just work harder and go on more events.'

'Hmm.. that's really... profound.'

'I know right? And I know that you'd not understand. Never mind, let's just go to that Chinese restaurant around the corner. It's not too far from here.'

Jinnie looked at her as she turned her attention to the view outside. Setting the car in motion he thought to himself, 'I understand more than you'd ever know. I just wish that you'd see that sometimes.'

Hwang Bo opened the window, feeling the wind blow in her face. Scrunching her eyes, she looked at the sky and smiled to herself as she basked in the warmth of the sun.

'Hey Hwang Bo! Someone got into an accident by the side of the road!'

'Huh? Where?' Hwang Bo swiftly turned her head as she saw the car knocked into the curb. Getting out of the car, the both of them ran towards the driver hoping that everything was okay. Jinnie pulled open the door and reached out for the man sitting in the seat.

'Are you okay? Can you hear me?'

'Buin...'

Hwang Bo's eyes widened with shock when she saw that the man bleeding in the seat of the car was the very man that haunted her thoughts every single second of the day.

'Shillang...'

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?

What I remember: 8

The shrill ringing of his phone woke Hyun Joong up from his reverie. Looking down he saw Kyu Jong calling him.

'Hello?'

'Hyung, where are you? I've been waiting here for 20 minutes. I thought you said you were on your way?'

'Kyu, yeah. I am on my way. Just wait there a while, alright?' Hyun Joong muttered before hanging up.

He took one last look at the picture that he was clutching in his hand before he placed it in his pocket and walked towards his car.

As he got into the driver's seat, he went through the motions of starting the car and headed out but even as he was driving, he knew that he wasn't even sure where he was going. He couldn't concentrate on the road, not when he was so lost inside.

'If only there was a navigation kit for your memories,' he thought before he felt his whole body lurch forward. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as he felt his car swing out of control, hitting the curb.

And then he saw her.

They were walking hand in hand with each other in a park, laughing at something they saw in passing. He remember feeling so content, when he heard her calling him.

'Shillang. I want you to promise me something.'

'Yeah?'

'Promise me first.'

'I have to hear what you want me to promise you first before I can do the deed. What if you want me to sell my guitars and buy a house?'

'It's not that!'

'Then what is it? You want a chicken shop?'

'No!'

'You want that wedding dress we used the last time. I said I'd buy you one, just not that one.'

'Shillang...'

'It was too revealing! I'll buy you one with lots of cloth okay? No holes in strange places at all. This, I will promise you.'

Laughing, she began hitting his arm and he pretended to run away from her.

'Shillang! That still isn't what I want!'

Turning around, Hyun Joong looked back at her as she gazed at him with her head cocked to one side. The sunshine spilled on her, giving her the angelic glow to her that he absolutely loved.

'Yes, Buin.. what do you want me to promise you?'

'I want you to promise me that no matter what happens, you'll always love me. No matter what people say, you'll always believe in me. No matter what, you'll always be with me, no matter where you are.'

Hyun Joong walked up to her and looked straight into her eyes.

'Why are you asking me to promise you something that I have already sworn to do?'

The last thing Hyun Joong saw before he closed his eyes was her radiant smile as she reached out to hug him.

'Buin...'

What I remember: 7

Call my name, tell me who I am,

Hold your hand out to me,

Guide me through this ruthless pain,

Please help me break free.

Hyun Joong looked up from the sofa he had settled himself on, his favorite spot to compose music and peered outside the window. The bright blue sky seemed to contrast the mood of his song, and he sighed out loud before reaching for his phone.

‘Kyu Joong-ah, where are you now?’

‘I’m about to step out to get cookies from the mart. What’s up?’

‘Nothing much, just feeling tired of being holed up in here for so long. Wait for me, I’ll go with you.’

Grabbing his keys, Hyun Joong headed for the door before he stopped in his tracks and turned his attention to the shelf on the right. Reaching his hand out, he pulled a picture from under the pile of books that always went unnoticed each time he passed the shelf.

He slowly turned the photo over, revealing the blissfully happy faces of two people who were laughing at the camera for their wedding photo shoot.

It was him.

And there she was.

Hyun Joong turned numb as he touched the face of the woman that had been haunting him for the past two years. Tears started forming in his eyes as he took her in, almost hearing her laughter as she threw her head back just as the camera clicked, preserving that moment in time forever. She looked so happy, in fact the both of them looked so happy.

So why did we start being unhappy?

What I remember: 6

*CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Hwang Bo jolted awake as she heard the distinctive sound of something breaking in her kitchen. Grabbing her robe, she armed herself with her golf club as she inched her way towards the kitchen, ready to beat the daylights out of the robber that was stupid enough to create such a racket.

'Maybe he thought there wasn't anyone in, considering that it IS 2 in the afternoon,' she thought to herself before kicking herself for trying to rationalize why there was a robber in her house.

Creeping up to the door, she braced herself as she saw a tall man near the stove, she let out a loud yell before bringing up the club to smash on his back when she heard a voice that was all too familiar to her.

'Hwang Bo-ya! It's me!'

Opening her eyes slowly, she focused her eyes on the intruder that would have resembled Jinnie, only this man had a nasty looking beard.

'... Jinnie? Is that you?'

'What do you mean by is that me? Who else would be this good looking??' he asked her back indignantly.

'Who would look good with a caterpillar on their face! What is with that vagrant look, did your coordi decide on a hobo look this time round?'

'It's.. manly. That's what all the girls say. Not that you'd know, you're hardly one,' he retorted sulkily.

'Yeah, well whatever. What are you doing here, robber?'

'I was trying to feed both you and me. But your bowls are useless. They keep breaking on me.'

'That's because you keep breaking them, idiot. What are you going to make?'

'I bought jajjangmyun. The instant kind.'

Hwang Bo immediately looked over his shoulder and saw the packets of instant noodles that she had avoided for two years. She could suddenly hear the clanking of the pots as he tried so hard to be quiet, him cursing under his breath when he burnt his hands as he prepared that meal for the both of them as she pretended to sleep on the couch. She could still remember the bitterness of his noodles, as he had burnt the sauce cooking it 'his special way'. But most of all, she could remember his gleeful look as she told him it was the best instant noodles she ever had.

Happiness lied in the simplest of things.

However, so did pain.

Taking in a deep breath, she looked at Jinnie and tried to shut the memories away.

'Jinnie... when will you ever learn...'

'What did I do now??'

'Nothing. Let's just go out and have something. My treat.'

Whooping with joy, Jinnie dragged her out of the apartment as he chattered on nonstop about everything that had happened to him since the last time they met. She couldn't get a word in, but she smiled at him as he did what he did best all the time. Whirlwind into her life like a typhoon of joy, cheering her up with his simplicity, and not knowing that his voice could be the the soothing balms for her aching heart.

Studying the man that was by her side now, Hwang Bo thought to herself.

'Jinnie... Sometimes, I wish... that it could have been you that stole my heart instead... That way, maybe all of us would have been happier...'

What I remember: 5

-Two years earlier-

'I told you she isn't the right one for you! I told you to leave her alone! What are you thinking of, putting your whole life on the line?'

'I'm doing this for myself! I know what I have on the line, and it's not my career. I know that if I leave her, this will be the end for me. This is what I will lose. And I don't want to make that mistake, ever again!'

Hwang Bo stood by the side of the wall as she listened in on Hyun Joong fighting with his manager. She could feel the anger and frustration radiating from the both of them, and she knew that she was the reason why they were lashing out at each other.

Sighing, she crouched low as she laid her head on her knees, thinking if this was the right decision.

'Yes it is. We both know what we want. It's time that we did things for ourselves, and not for our image, our careers, our so called lives which basically left us empty inside. Why was it so wrong to want to be happy?' she thought to herself as she looked at the both of them again.

'Hyun Joong, listen to me. You don't know what is at stake here. Just hear me out this one time..' his manager pleaded with him.

'You know what? It just looks like we're never gonna sort this out at all.. I think that it really is time that we parted ways..'

'Are you sure? Is this what you want? Because in the end, you'll realize how wrong you are and how right I was. In fact, if I wanted to, I can make you regret your decision now. She's here with you, isn't she?'

Hwang Bo's eyes widened as she heard his last sentence.

'What did he mean by that?'

What I remember: 4

Hwang Bo greeted the soft rays of the morning sun with a slight smile as they peered through the grey clouds that filled the sky. Breathing in the salty air of the sea, she pulled her sweater closer to her, feeling the chilly air surrounding her as she slowly came back to life.

Why is it that although the needles of the clock keeps ticking away, I still feel like I am frozen in a time that no longer exists?

Opening her eyes, she looked around her and saw nothing but an empty beach. It was too early in the morning for anyone to be awake, and it was times like these that she felt free. She could be true to herself without having to fake a smile on her face, assuring everyone that she was alright. That she had moved on. That she was finally happy.

There was something about the beach that brought both pain and joy to her heart. It was here that she had spent some of the happiest moments in her life, as well as some of the most heart wrenching episodes of her story.

She remembered that this was where he promised to meet her whenever she called. This was the place that they had placed their vows in the sand. This was the place that tied the both of them together, binding them to their promises to each other.

Except for that last night. The one night when he broke his promise and she knew that it was the end. That night she felt like dying inside as she cried to the ocean, wishing it would take away the unbearable hurt she felt inside.

And the ocean granted her wish.

The waves that washed her feet reminded her that while things change with time, the tides would always return to where they belonged. People didn’t stop living because they lost what they loved.

They lived because they had once laid claim to their love.

Why should it matter that my world is now black, white and grey? I was once alive. I am still alive. And I will continue living. For me.

Hwang Bo repeated those words to herself as she trudged back to her car, holding back the tears that threatened to spill over. Taking one last look at the ocean before she drove off, she asked herself the same question she asked every day.

When will I ever forget you?

What I remember: 3

When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye, you're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry.

Hyun Joong strummed his guitar, singing the one song that seemed to calm him down as he thought about what happened the night before.

‘Hyung! Are you okay?’

‘Buin? Is that you?’

‘Yong Saeng hyung! Help!!’

Hyun Joong looked up at the person shaking him awake and slowly came back to his senses. Shaking his head, he slowly got off the floor and leaned against the table, holding his hands to his head. He did not realize that his face was wet with tears, he didn’t know why the memory of that missing person in his life seemed to torment him more than anyone knew.

‘Kyu Jong ah… what is wrong with me? Why do I keep remembering this person, this name, and this laughter when I don’t remember her at all? Who is this person? Why does it hurt so badly when I have no idea who she is at all?’

‘Hyung…’

‘No, listen to me. I want to remember, yet I am afraid to remember. I want to know who she is, yet I don’t dare to. If she really was someone important to me then why isn’t she here now? If the thought of her can make me hurt this badly, that should mean that she was someone I held dear to me right? Then why am I here alone?’ he asked before breaking down in loud sobs.

Kyu Jong watched Hyun Joong crumbling before him before he made his decision. He had to know the truth. No matter what everyone else said.

‘Hyung… I need to tell you something.’

‘Hyungsunim.. she was someone special. To all of us, but mostly to you. She could brighten up a room just by being there, and the best thing about her was her laughter. You used to think of everything you could just to get her to laugh for you, and when she did, you were the happiest person in the world.’

‘Then where is she now?’

‘She… she… she stopped contacting us after you broke up with her hyung. It was you who let her walk away, even though we all knew she really wanted to stay…’

You float like a feather, in a beautiful world, I wish I was special, you're so fuckin' special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doin' here? I don't belong here.

She's running out again, she's running out, she run run run run... run... run...

What I remember: 2

“He’s at it again… he’s doing it again…”

Kyu Jong opened his eyes as he heard the familiar thumping of Hyun Joong’s head against the table. Sitting up, he wondered if they made the right choice when they decided that he didn’t need to know or remember everything. The memories that drove him down that path of self destruction should be kept away and never brought back to surface… right?

At least that was what they all felt at that time. But now, it just didn’t seem like the right choice. Outwardly, Hyun Joong seemed to be living a normal life, but only his brothers knew the pain he was going through. He spent his days wondering what was missing in his life, almost begging to be told the truth only to be pushed away with a picture perfect drawing called his life.

Walking towards the kitchen, Kyu Jong peered at the lonely figure that was once his confident hyung. Sighing, he pulled up a chair opposite Hyun Joong and called out his name.

‘Hyun Joongie hyung.. it’s past midnight. You should be sleeping.’

Looking up, Hyun Joong managed a small smile at Kyu Jong before staring off into space again.

‘Yeah, I know. But strangely enough, sleep doesn’t come easily to me these days. Was I always like that?’

‘Nope. You were the sleeping god of our group. You would jump at any opportunity to sleep the day away, even thinking that it was perfectly normal to be hibernating.’

Hyun Joong scoffed at that remark and looked at Kyu Jong in the eye.

‘Well, if that was the truth, then I wish that part of me would come back.’

‘It was really true hyung. You could sleep through almost anything, except for tickles.’

At the mention of tickles, Hyun Joong looked up at Kyu Jong sharply before he saw a vision in his mind, of himself being shaken awake by a woman wearing an apron and trying to reach for his sides to tickle him more. The vision was so vivid that he could hear her laughter, but before he could see her face, his head suddenly felt like it was bursting and he fell over the table in pain.

‘HYUNG!!! Wake up, hyung!!!!’

What I remember : 1

A little project of mine that has been on my mind for sometime now, just never executed. Pardon the lack of structure, I just wanted to vent and write something I wanted to write, and not something I was asked to write. ^^

What I remember: 1

“Don’t come back here for your honeymoon, for she’ll remember.”

"I felt that you were someone that the gods sent me. I just wanted you to know that.”

Hyun Joong woke up in sweat once more, to the same dream that he had been having for the past two years. It was always the same dream, of him talking to someone whom he called Bu In at a place so high up that it felt that he could reach out and touch the clouds. And he could see the side profile of a woman so beautiful that it ached, as she sat crying at his words. But try as hard as he could, he could never see her face. He could never hear her voice. All he remember was the stabbing pain he felt, as he wanted to reach out to her so badly, yet was unable to.

Getting up from his bed, he walked out of his room and into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. These past two years just flew by in a blink of an eye as he was kept so busy with his work that he didn’t feel the days go by. He understood why everyone wanted to keep him so occupied, they were all worried that he would once again think of throwing himself out that window, the way he did that fateful morning two years ago, when he woke up and remembered absolutely nothing.

His SS501 brothers told him that he was involved in an accident, and that he was in a coma for a week before regaining consciousness. While he felt that they did tell him truth, there was a suspicion that they were holding back something from him. Not just them, everyone around him seemed to walk about as though he was an active landmine, about to explode at the slightest revelation of his past.

And no matter how he tried to pry into his past, he was always fed with the same information. That he was the leader of a successful Hallyu group. That he was venturing into acting. That he was the youngest son of his family. That he was once in love with a girl but had to lose her because of his work. That she was now happily married off to someone else. That he wanted to be the brightest star in the universe and would never stop working towards that direction.

But that didn’t stop him from feeling that there was a missing piece to his jigsaw puzzle. There was always that distant memory of a woman his heart ached to hold, that woman called Bu In. The one that came to him every night, and went away before he could touch her face and see her one more time.

And he would be left with the same question he asked himself every night.

Who is she?

Results!

The day is finally here where I reveal the winners of the Fan Fiction category! It's been a great effort from all the participants, and I'd like to say a great big THANK YOU for letting us read pieces of your mind. It was really enjoyable, and honestly, Joongboer's are really a very talented bunch of people!

Okay.... On with the results!

The winner for our choice is.....

THE BEAUTY OF WINTER BY PEPERO!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Now, the winner for the Most Popular Choice is........ *drumroll*.........

http://polldaddy.com/poll-rss.php?id=949800BB4CA7BBB3

AFTER WE GOT MARRIED BY MARLA GUIBAO!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

We will be contacting the winners for their contact details so that we can send out the prizes to them! Thanks for participating, and readers, thanks for voting!!! It has been real fun for all of us!

And no, I have not forgotten the MV contest, haha! I will be posting links soon too, so look forward!!!!!!!

Love,

Chonsa and Sharry

Finally

Joong Bo Fanfic: Finally – by lai-za



Rated: K+



Disclaimer: This is purely fictional and just for fun and for the love of the JoongBo Couple.



Author’s Note: This has always been at the back of my mind after I finished watching episode 38 but just didn’t have the drive to actually write it. I’ve written fan fictions before but not this type. Usually anime ones. I’m very happy for this couple and would want them to stay that way forever. I hope my fan fic gets to you guys.



---



“That’s a wrap everyone! See you all next Tuesday!”



See you all next Tuesday, he says. For everyone around here, they get to do the same old routine every Tuesdays. Wardrobe check, hair and make-up, lights, camera and action. But I don’t think Tuesdays are going to be the same from now on. Heck, my Tuesdays were never the same after I met her.



“Hyun Joong, we’re really thankful you got to be with us till episode 38. We really had fun watching you guys. I hope your new drama works out well and the guys here wish you all the best.”



The producer gave me a pat on the back as he walked back to his office. They had fun watching us huh? I sighed.



Fun. That’s what everyone sees in us. The other couples, the fans... even her family. We do have fun. I admit I’ve never had so much fun in my entire life. “Getting married” was the best thing that happened to me. “Getting married” to her that is.



I quickly headed to my dressing room, not wanting to talk to anyone anymore. Everyone’s stares and compliments on such a good “marriage”... I was good at hiding myself from everyone. But too much of this and I’ll crack soon. I can’t let them see that. I can’t let her see that.



I slowly closed the door and stretched out on the sofa. I sighed again. This time, I gave a loud sigh.



Fun. Is this the only thing they ever see in us? What about love? What about those secret stares I’d give her? What about those hidden compliments I’d say to her? I know I’m not used to saying those corny and sweet stuff girls normally like. But what about the paper cranes and making her ramen and everything!



I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. We’ve said goodbye to each other before. The one where we thought it would be our last time together. But we were given another chance. The day I knew that we would see each other again, I smiled all the way back to my apartment knowing that the next time I got home she’ll be there. Is a third chance still out there?



I love her. The moment I saw her there in our apartment in Japan, I knew I was beginning to fall for her. Though I cautioned myself because I knew that this was a pretend marriage, I still fell. And right now, it’s come to this.



I have to tell her how I feel. She was the one who told me that it doesn’t matter how far apart our age was. She was the one who said that it was wrong to draw the line just because we’re afraid of what is going to happen in the future. I have to tell her. I need to tell her...



“Hyun Joong... wake up...”



Woah. I fell asleep? I quickly turned to one side and sat up. Suddenly, Hwang Bo’s face was inches from mine. Both of her hands were clutching my sides, a smile playing on her lips.



“It still works.” She laughed. She sat down beside me while Jins was slowly nudging my chest. I took Jins in my arms and sat closer to her.



“I’m sorry I didn’t knock. You look so tired. But I was going to leave the set and I wanted to say goodbye. You should get some rest after I’m gone. Aren’t you glad this is all over?” She asked. She was teasing, but her eyes gave her away.



“Buin...” I started.



“Hmm?”



“Thank you.” I looked at her. She gave me a smile. “But I – “



Ring ring!



“Hold on a minute. Yes?” She took her phone and stood up.



I flopped back down on the couch dragging Jins with me. I heard her saying she’ll be right there and ended the call. She moved my legs and sat again.



“I’m sorry I need to go. My sisters wanted to have dinner tonight.” She took her purse that was on the floor and zipped it close.



“Jins, say goodbye to daddy now.” She took Jins from me and fixed herself. “Shillang, get some rest ok? I might not be there to cook you chicken soup and everything from now on but when I watch your drama, you better not have dark circles under your eyes or I might just be the one who’s going to buy you those anti aging cream you used to get me.”



I chuckled. Just like the old days... I need to do this now if I want to live like that again.



“Ok, I have to go.” She slowly got up, looked at me and said, “I’ll miss you.” I stared at her with my mouth slightly open as she went to the door.



When she turned her back on me, I felt that everything was ending right there. No, my thoughts screamed. Don’t touch that doorknob!



As she reached for the handle, I ran towards her and seized her hand. I saw her startled look for a few seconds before I finally let my lips meet hers for the first time.



I think she could hear both of our heart beats. I know I can. I could feel my heart pounding, wanting to stop to let it slow down a bit. But I couldn’t. I slid my hands through her hair as I felt her lips move with mine.



Slowly, she parted. Our foreheads touching, she kept her eyes closed but she was smiling.



“I was waiting for you to do something like that on our last trip together.” She said, slowly opening her eyes that were slowly glistening.



“Why didn’t you say so?” I whispered. I kept her close to me. It was hard to part with her the last time.



“I wanted to let you realize for yourself.” She smiled, her tears now slowly forming. “I’m happy”.



That was all I needed to hear. That she was happy with everything that we’ve done. That she was happy with me.



“I love you.” I whispered into her ear as she laid her head on my chest. I wiped away the tear that fell on her cheek. “Buin, I love you”.



“I love you too.” She said, cupping my face in her hands as we slowly drifted away into our own world...

Diamonds Are Forever

Title: Diamonds are forever
Author: Winterbubbletea
Rating: PG-13


The constant expression of love, matrimony and over all best friend of ladies are Diamonds. In mineralogy the allotrope of carbon compressed to become the gleam of richness with superlative physical qualities are Diamonds.

A precious gem that few substances can scratch and still untamed and unbreakable gift granted to individuals of the rich for Hwang Bo she has always dream about being a wife. Granted gaining a position a celebrity wasn’t a figure on her plan when she graduated but it came and now she live in fame and glamour.

She even flirted along the avenue of shopping for brands and enjoyed the luxurious of hotel suites being wined and dined in her profession. Granted she would have went and bought herself a diamond ring let alone a pretty bauble but the weariness of falling down from her spot in the world of glamour made her wary.

Saving money-investing it though some of those fell through what with the stock market crash-and though she has faun over like any woman over shinnies-she hope for someone out there to grant her one on her finger.

Her boyfriend of eight years had disappointed her and in the end they parted. The one thing she learned about males is you got many different types-the ones that take for granted woman. You have a few that rather have a good friend where they have fringe benefits and no emotional attachments, and you got the ones where they are forever.

If marriage was forever-she think the avenue of suicide and killing spree would become fashion-if you can’t stand the other spouse it’s the most logical conclusion.

Then again when with the younger male of six years she finds herself unable to indentify what he might exactly be. Instead of presenting items like couple rings and shoes to woman; he presented peanut necklaces and paper stars he attached to himself.

An incredibly imaginative way and he doesn’t cook for her-he doesn’t do a performance for her on a stage with flowers littered on the floor in a shape of a spade. No instead he smiles and gives her the little things-and even after the period of We Got Married.

She is still a bit confused as to the courtship that Hyun Joong demands they do together. They were supposed to separate and they did but in the end fate had tied them together once again.

They are dating. They are courting. They go out together in secret and have fun together spending what time they can with one another in their busy schedules. So when one year passes then another—she begins to wonder if she would be left behind. That the thought of children, marriage, maybe something that Hyun Joong would never want. The fear that he may fall into those categories she has seen and it isn’t until today that she started to melt at the thoughtfulness and the incredibly misjudge movement of Kim Hyun Joong.

A box arrived-they were going to celebrate their anniversary as a couple dating. It has almost been three years and the booking of a private dining establishment ensures they will not be interrupted.

Already arriving into the dining room since she has been taught to be on time, Hwang Bo looks around at the set up the decorated walls of gold to chandelier of crystal made the setting romantic. A table sat in the middle with flowers and red table cloth made her heart flutter-going forward toward her chair a waiter pull her chair back and push it in for her.

“Is everything up to your expectation Miss?” The waiter spoke softly admiring how her silk dress of maroon complimented her tan skin.

“Yes thank you.”

The waiter pull out the wine from the wine bottle and showed her the vintage, “Will this do Miss?”

“Yes that looks wonderful.”

Unwrapping the gold wrap and twisting the cork the waiter skillfully pour into a glass and place the wine back then offered her the glass.

“Thank you.”

The waiter signaled with his finger and another waiter came forward and placed a box on her dinner plate. “Mr. Kim has instructed us to present this to you after you partake of the wine.”

“Oh!” A shy smile graces Hwang Bo’s face and she untied the pink bow and opened the white box a red Gresso cell phone laid inside the box. “What?” She was admiring the buttons made in diamond about to stroke the surface.

The phone suddenly rang making her jump and laugh in surprised, “Pulling out the phone she answers, “Hello?”

“Hello Koi.” The greeting made her laugh and look around for the caller.

“Where are you?”

“Oh I’m here already—I just wanted to see you holding your new toy.”

“What…why a new cell phone? This—this is expensive Hyun Joong.”

“I know.” Hyun Joong spoke with an emotional intensity and laughs softly, “But you are worth every diamond incase in that phone.”

“I…”

“Just like those 23 diamonds inside that cell phone. It was my 23rd year when I met you, truly met you that my life changed.” Hyun Joong’s voice started to sound like it was getting closer. A frown marred her forehead trying to comprehend what he was telling her, “When a program changes everything I knew about myself and the belief of a relationship.”

“Hyun…” Biting her lips she turn her head and finally spot him standing off he side of the door the waiters had disappeared.

“It’s been almost 3 years now and I’m near 26 years old and still the feelings I had back makes me absolutely sure…” Hyun Joong went before Hwang Bo and slid to one knee and lower the cell phone onto the flower as he reaches for a black velvet box.

Silently Hwang Bo watches amazed, opening the box there was a slip of paper inside the velvet box. “Hwang Bo would you take a rain check for a ring after you marry me?”

Hwang Bo stares at the paper unrolled with the words IOU 1 diamond ring after marriage.

Then back at Hyun Joong-a large smile plastered onto his face, “Because I spent it on the Gresso phone for you and that phone is in payments.”

Hwang Bo laughs and places her hand onto her lips, “What am I ever going to do about you?”

“Why not marry me and find out?”

Laughing Hwang Bo sighs and stood up putting the phone to her ear, “I’ll marry you—only if you give me an engagement ring.”

A large smile still planted on Hyun Joong’s face, “That will take a while to do after I pay off the phone.”

“Then just get a movie contract again…” Arms wrap around Hyun Joong’s neck as Hwang Bo slid a kiss onto Hyun Joong’s lips.

“That would require me to kiss Jung Min.”

A soft laugh on Hwang Bo’s lips, “Be sure to earn a lot out of that then…”

Marry, Shag Or Cliff

Title: Marry, Shag or Cliff
Author: Winterbubbletea
Couple: Lettuce
Rating: PG-15 or R for one cuss word.
Summary: Watching too much British channels may not be a good idea.

Somehow Young Saeng knew that the British channel was evil. Granted it was wonderful tool on how to learn English even with Korean subtitles but it was worse when his teammates picked up the evil habits let alone his friends.


"Okay! Jae Joong, Hwang Bo, Hyori."

Young Saeng grimaces, "I cannot tell you how sick I am of this game."

Jung Min leans back and taps Young Saeng on the forehead, while pushing his beer can onto the coffee table. "Oh come on stop being a spoil sport."

Hyung Joon the baby of the group smirks at Jung Min, "You had to add in Jae Joong hyung into the mixture."

"Of course." Jung Min spoke and gave a sly glance at the eldest, "I had to make leader here contemplate the dread of marrying Jae Joong or TOP.

Kyu Jong snorts, "I was hoping there would be some girls in this then men in your choices Jung Min..."

"What's the fun in it....anyways come on..." Jung Min pushes. "It's only a game."

"Fine...." Kyu Jong huffs, "I'll marry Hwang Bo, shag Hyori and cliff Jae Joong-hyung."

"Your no fun..." Jung Min snorts.

"Well obviously Hyori wouldn't be a good wife." Kyu replies never noticing the tighten facial expression on Hyun Joong's face. "Besides who the hell uses the term shag?"

"Well it's better then the f-word." Hyung Joon points out getting hit in the face with a pillow.

"Who uses the censor statement of f-word-just say fuck damn it." Kyu Jong sighs and tousles his hair.

"Well you could always say have intercourse for the word shag." Young Saeng said diplomatically.

"Well then Young Saeng who would you then marry, have sex with, and cliff then?" Jung Min retorted peeved that his game wasn't going well.

"Fine!" Unhappy with the procedure of this game Young Saeng gave a slight look at Hyun Joong nervously, "I'll marry Hwang Bo-noona, cliff Hyori because she is high maintenance, and I'll have sex with Jae Joong."

"What? You would turn gay?" Kyu Jong hisses, "I thought you were straight."

"Honestly--if you notice how many people mistaken Jae Joong-hyung as a girl it would be fine or at least have people question their sexuality!" Young Saeng argues.

Hyung Joon then waves his hands, "Fine fine....lets ask Hyun Joong-hyun his own answers..."

Hyun Joong wasn't pleased that the attention turned to him. He ponders his thoughts, "Why can't you just simply Marry, shag, and cliff the same person?"

Everyone froze.

"Well honestly if you marry someone sometimes you want to cliff them and sex is normal." Hyun Joong spoke and smiles, "besides I've already been married why go through it again?" He then stood up and walked away and pause in his door and look back, "Oh and if anyone of you decides to really shag my girl friend I hope you will be prepare to be cliff for it."

Once he was gone Young Saeng peered at the others, "I'm surprise he didn't cliff us for wanting to marry her."